As I've mentioned before, Holly's blog 300 Pounds Down has been a favorite of mine throughout my journey. Today she wrote about excess skin, stretch marks and scars and it really hit home. This is a huge battle for me right now. I look at myself in the mirror and I see the sagging skin and the sagging boobs and the sagging inner thighs and the scars and the stretch marks and and and and.. well I could go on forever but I won't. My point is that even with the weight coming off, I am still struggling with seeing myself as pretty or beautiful or anything other than ugly. I am always pointing these negative things out in my head. I even get embarrassed at the thought of someone else seeing my "nasty" looking skin as I refer to it.
After reading Holly's blog today, I was reminded that I didn't set out on this journey to lose a certain amount of weight and become skinny. I set out to be healthier, to be able to live life, to be able to not have a life of medical conditions due to my health, to win the battle that I was losing with binge and emotional eating, to get a chance of living life before it was too late and to let go of the armor that I have lived with for far too long.... You know what? I'm achieved most, if not all of those goals. (the living life is still a struggle with the back surgery pain and fear of re injury and I'm still struggling with bits of armor but I'm not giving up!) I set out on this journey with a purpose in mind and I've have worked extremely hard. Why am I allowing myself to discredit that hard work? So what if I have excess skin, stretch marks and scars. I'm alive, healthier and continuing my journey. I was reminded today that the flaws I see continue to be there because I allow myself to dwell on them, just as I did the weight when it was there. There were so many statements in Holly's blog today that I couldn't have said better myself; all stuff that I've allowed myself to fall prey to.
It is time for me to start looking at the much much larger picture here. Who cares if my skin sags or I have stretch marks and scars? Does it change the person I am? Why do I stress so much about it? I know that as time continues and I heal from my back injuries that I can work on those areas but they will most likely always be problem areas. I also know that more than likely, there will always be areas on my body that I could always feel less than happy with. Knowing that, why should I continue to let myself dwell the "ugly" me? I SHOULDN'T DAMN IT. It's time for me to start allowing myself to actually love myself and my body and be okay with how I look. It's time for me to stop apologizing to everyone about the flaws that I think they're thinking about when I'm the one seeing them on my body. It's time for me to accept and love myself and it's time for me to be okay with knowing that people are either going to love and accept me with my flaws and all or they won't accept them. Either way, I am going to stop dwelling on self image issues and just learn to be happy with me the way I AM now.
Always,
Angela
http://www.300poundsdown.com/2013/02/excess-skin-stretch-marks-and-scars-oh-my.html
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