It's amazing at how much change can hit you. I've haven't been myself lately and I hardly know who I am. The changes are crazy. November 16th marks my 6 month surgerversary. In 6 months I have lost 80 lbs. I look at this picture and I think wow. WHO IS THAT PERSON?
Oh yeah, its this person. There I am. Yep, that's the person I see. Okay, I can breath now.
You see, losing 80 pounds in 6 months doesn't really allow you time to prepare for what to do next. They don't tell you that you need to continue to breathe. It's really crazy. I have not been this small (and I'm still considered overweight) since I was a teenage. And guess what??? ALOT has changed since I was a teenager. New fashions, new hair styles, new make up styles.... I'm not prepared for this. I'm a fat girl who does nothing with her hair except wash it and let it dry natural. I don't wear makeup, I don't do my hair and I love my jeans and t-shirts. All of that has been part of my body armor for over 2 decades. "Don't draw attention to yourself" So now what? Am I really ready to let all that go and say "Hey, look at me?"
As you can tell in the top picture, I'm wearing makeup. I've been pushing myself for the last 4 days to put on makeup daily. Truth is I suck at makeup. Even as a teenage, I rarely wore makeup. Right now, I have my own teenager (well almost teenager) giving me makeup advice. She's a makeup every day type of girl. She's got that "Look at me" attitude and I love that about her. I love that she's so outgoing and knows that she's amazingly beautiful and doesn't care what others think of her. So how do I get that? I certainly am NOT ready or wanting for that matter to be an attention seeker but I'd love to look in the mirror and see myself right now looking good and trendy rather than seeing myself looking like the second picture. It's crazy but that's how I still see myself in the mirror. I'm putting makeup and I don't see myself as the woman in the first set of pictures. I'm blow drying my hair every day and I don't see myself as the woman in the first set of pictures. Will I ever? Can I really let go of the Armor? Its crazy.... CRAZY.....
2 comments:
You look amazing! Seeing how great you look motivates me... even though I know my path will be much different you inspire me! Do self affirmations daily ... hourly if you have to! Or every time you look in the mirror until you believe it! I love you hon! Keep up the great work!
Thank you guys! I love you muches! I'll get there! I promise!
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