Wake up!

I'm sure everyone has been told something along the lines of "you'll regret that when you get older" or "you'd better take care of your body because it is the only one you get".   It would have been great if I had listened to that advice when given to me. Years of self torture and sabotage have wrecked havoc on my temple. Am I doing something about it now?  I'm losing weight slowly but steady but to be 100% honest, I am still struggling with doing anything about it.  I'd love to say that I am exercising and stretching and working on undoing the damage.  I'd be lying though. I'm a big ol ball of excuses. "It hurts." "I'm too busy," "I'm doing it in small stages."

Yep, thats me!  FULL of BS.  I would love to wake up full of motivation and self love.  Typically I wake up and force myself to take that first step out of bed because my pelvic and hips hurt.  I then tell myself "today will be different" and start to plan something physical that will get me going. Then by nightfall when I am crawling into bed, I think "well another day where I failed at my goal of doing something."  The story just repeats from here. 

I know I'm not the only one that has fallen into this cycle. I know many others struggle with this same struggle. That doesn't make things any less easier to swallow.  Thoughts like "I want to be healthier" and I want to be more active with the kids" and "I want to live long enough to see them live their own lives" come into my mind everyday. I have every reason to kick it into high gear and "just get er' done".  

So then why am I wasting away in front of the computer on Facebook and other sites that do not need constant monitoring? Why am I not Taking charge of MY life and making ALL of the changes that I want to make?  Seriously, I need answers.... Anyone???? Okay, I know you can't answer that for me. Only I can.  Sometimes, I honestly think I am just too damn scared too.  What happens after the changes are made? What if I still feel this way? Will there always just be one more thing that I beat myself up over?  When will I actually be okay with myself? When will I WAKE UP?

Well maybe one day, I'll have answers to those questions. I do know that even though I may not do everything I want to be doing, I am doing something every day. I am moving in a direction better than the way I came from. I am NOT who I was a few months ago, a year ago, 5 years ago, 10 years ago or even 20 years ago.  I am a better person and am learning to love myself, even if it has taken two decades of wear and tear, torture and sabotage. The questions may go unanswered for now but eventually, I'll have answers and then I'll have more questions. Apparently self growth is never ending. Fun times!  :P

Angela