Just another day in paradise

So it's been almost one month since my surgery.  I'm down 24lbs and finally starting to feel okay.  I still have a very hard time eating anything as well as getting my liquids in but it will get better.  (Insert positive thinking here)

Emotionally, I think I am in that "What the F*** did I do stage".  The hardest part is the daily food.  There are days that I don't want to eat or drink anything. I get to feeling down about it.  I do realize that without having the surgery, I'd be eating everything in sight. I just have to keep telling myself that.

I have had some emotional stressors this week and I am sure that this is adding to the way I am feeling. I am figuring out that even when I am stressed or upset, my mind doesn't automatically decide I need food like before.  That's a good thing.  I just wish I could muster up the strength to start a new outlet to help with stress. I need to be exercising but haven't been doing that much.  My hip/leg has been killing me and I am allowing myself to use that as an excuse. (I did find out yesterday that there are no blood clots which was a big worry)

I think about exercising and then I start feeling guilty about not doing enough and then the cycle starts in.  I hate talking to family and friends about how I am feeling. I feel guilty for burdening them and often wonder what they are really thinking.  (You did this to yourself)

I had so many things that I told myself I was going to be doing after the surgery; daily exercise, activities with my kids, being a better wife :P, keeping the house cleaner, etc.... I'm slowly working on these but ashamed at how slow the progress is in this area.  It's all back to those damn excuses that I keep making and have made my entire life.  I'm smart enough to know that excuses just don't go away with a surgery procedure.

I know what I want to do. I just have to get motivated and get going faster on my goals and expectations. :)