Failures

****I'm giving a warning in advance. This post is not a all is good and happy post so you should probably skip over it. My blog is supposed to be able the ups and downs and this is def a down.****

For most, there is always a failure here or a failure there in their life. For others yet, there are more than just an occasional failure. Then there are people who have days that they feel they are a complete failure at everything they do and that they should just stop fighting the fight to not be a failure.

Today, I feel like one of those people. Today, all I've done is cry. All I've done is feel like I'm a complete waste of flesh in all parts of my life. I feel like a horrible mother, a horrible wife, and a horrible friend.  Just a horrible person to even be around. I feel like a complete failure who needs to just crawl away with my head hanging low and let everyone around me be happier in life.

Today is one of those days where I look at what I am told and how I feel, and wonder how I can ever overcome the failures and flaws I have. I try. Man, I try so hard to take feedback and work on it and try to be a better person that would make for a happier life.  I feel like a failure because even though I am trying, it isn't visible to others. It makes me feel like that others have gotten so used to me being that person that makes them unhappy that no matter how much I try to fix my issues, it won't get seen. The failure will still be there. I'll still be that person. Now, I know that I have some great qualities and that I'm not really such a horrible person. That there are things that people love about me. I get that. There are also things that people hate about me and those qualities affect views of the good qualities.

I know life is full of struggles and things don't work out the way you want them to and that they say all you can do is give it your best.  What happens when that best isn't seen?  When it comes to losing weight, it has been visible for me (for others, I know it isn't always the same and that it's a lot slower). It has been 7 months of pure struggle and fighting to lose the weight that I have lost. People can see that. They know I am working on it. There are certainly things I could be doing to better up my best right now in the physical body realm of life but I know I am working on it and that is good. When it comes to changes that aren't visible like weight loss, it's a whole different playing field. Saying I'm working on it isn't that black and white. Even more so, sometimes even all the changes in the world might never be visible because of the lens that is looked through.....try and try and try and it still seems like everything being worked on has been a failure.

Though I feel like a complete failure, I know that I won't give it. It's not who I am. I struggle and struggle and I push through with the optimistic thoughts that change will eventually be seen and understood and accepted. I will continue to work on the changes and redefine my flaws. I just really wish there was a ticker like the one on the side of my blog that showed my progress on other changes so that the world could see it and I wouldn't have to feel like a complete failure. That would be just swell.

And if you are still reading, (which means you didn't listen to my warning at the top) the days that you feel your worse can give you hope for days that you will feel better. Don't give up hope. Know that it's really only failure if you stop trying to succeed. Sometimes our struggles in life take us backwards for a bit but get back on the path and move forward again and again and again and you'll succeed. It really helps if you have supportive people who love and push you, which, I KNOW we all do. There are supportive people in each of our lives. Hang on to their support and positiveness. It will move you forward again if you take a step back. Other things that help are big tight loving hugs and words of encouragement and just knowing that you're loved.

P.S.  I love you! (((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))  You can do this!